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Monday, April 27, 2015

New Life

Hello world!

I'm back from a very long blogger hiatus. I've gone through a lot of transformation. So here's what I'll do from this point. With each blog post, I will highlight an area of life that I am transforming for my healing.
This post will be about my relationship to money.

I've had a lot of money come into and go out of my life, and I am still alive. Of course I'm alive, or else who's typing this? See, my relationship to money was that of sheer survival, more specifically, physical survival. To a degree, money is a tool that people use to reinforce or enhance their physical existence. However, I placed equal signs between money and life itself.

Money cannot buy oxygen, at least not the oxygen we breathe every day. So, rationally speaking, if I have no money, I will not immediately drop dead. However, I have discovered, thanks to Veronica Torres and Eloheim, that the survival instinct is simply doing its job when it sends the message to "don't spend that money! don't change anything!" To the survival instinct, change comes at too great of a cost.

What I've discovered about myself over the past several months, and moreso in the past couple of days, is that my attachment to keeping things the same comes from a place of low self-esteem and fear of death. In less than ten words (a short factual statement, according to Eloheim), I'd say that "I fear that change leads to death." Now, that sounds incredibly silly, but if you think about it, this is how the survival instinct is made to function. When humans were primarily tribal, they dared not travel alone or stand out from the tribe due to the greater likelihood of being spotted and devoured by someone farther up the food chain. So, everyone blended together. Other animals still operate the same way by camouflaging their bodies.

For me, change means pursuing a new career path. I've been doing the same job for a long time because it provides me a steady paycheck, and it's something in which most people (including myself) would say I have competence. However, there is that part of me that wonders what would happen if I gave my other latent skills a space to flourish.

This is a point in my life in which I choose new habits and new ways of looking at my life.

To be continued...

1 comment:

mycavacava said...

I like and understand the idea of this blog entry; however, how freeing it is when life has kicked you in the back and pushed you down and you get up and are better for it. It kinda makes trying new things and standing out easy because at least it's not (insert shitty life experience here). That's been my experience, anyway.

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